July 24, 2005 - 12:37 a.m. In matters of emotion, drawing attention to a deficiency almost guarantees that it will not be satisfied. For some reason I had to tell him--in not so many words--that I don't feel important because so many things tax his energy to the point that there is none left for me. Judging by where he spends all of his energy, work and his family are vastly more important than I am. And they should be, right? I cannot compete with the strength of those forces. Yet being way far down on the priority list is unsatisfying. I am so selfish to want more of him that what I'm currently getting; I feel so guilty for my insatiable appetite for his attention. I want him to be awake when he comes to see me; I am so sick of falling asleep. And somehow tonight over the phone, I intimated this to him, and we launched into a painful discussion about how he's trying to balance so many demands, how work isn't more important than our relationship, it simply demands more time. More than that I simply made him feel awful for trying his best to live his life. What call have I to be anything less than perfectly happy? What have I taken for granted? It's so hard to undo a comment like this. Now he thinks he's inadequate when all I really wanted was to know if he was happy to see me. Great. Now I'm going to end up being the needy girlfriend that everyone advises him to cease seeing. Life was just fine when I decided to screw it up. ...before & after...